A Bitter Taste of Reality, One I Hope To Change

I set out this morning to preview a potential charter school for our dear Bella to attend next year. As one in a group of 15 visitors, I was greeted by a variation of the school's staff and 5th grade students eager to share the successes of their school and pitch for new potentials to apply. We broke up into small groups and were given a tour of the school. I chose a 5th grader as my guide because I wanted to experience what the school was like from her point of view, being that she had been there since the school opened when she was a kindergartener.

Immediately I was impressed with this young lady's ability to speak and guide a group of what could have been an intimidating bunch of adults around the building. As we peered through the doors she was able to tell us what every class was doing and what they studied throughout the year. This well educated, charming girl proudly showed us the wall that displayed their sister school located in a 3rd world country. They partner with this school by sending much needed books and other educational materials. Once again all of this seemed so natural for such a young girl.

The last stop we made was outside a closed door with the letters "LRC" displayed on it. In our district it means Learning Resource Center. It is a room where kids that are on IEP's (individualized education plans) are pulled out of a classroom for one on one or small group instruction. The kids in the LRC are usually (not always) diagnosed with a learning disability, a mild form of retardation and/or are on the Autism spectrum, or other reasons that qualify them for an IEP. Basically it is where Nathan will end up for a partial day, or perhaps more, when he is in school. As a school teacher myself, I am THANKFUL for the hard work these teachers do. I have seen so many of my students benefit from the extra dose of guidance and individualized instruction they receive. But let's get back to the tour.

Our sweet guide explained to the group that this room was for kids who needed extra help with reading and math. She proceeded to say that the students were also there so that they wouldn't distract kids in the "regular" classrooms so the regular kids could keep learning. This comment stopped me dead in my tracks...for many reasons. I took a deep breath, widened my eyes so that my tears weren't so obvious, and kept my composure when in reality all I wanted to run out the door and cry my eyes out.

This young girl, whom I know meant no harm by her comment, who still is charming in my eyes, has had a school experience where "those kids" have been portrayed as a distraction, as time takers, taking educational time away from the typical students. No matter where this perception was formed, it is now her perception and I'm sure the perception of many other of her peers and teachers. It is no fault of her own for thinking or saying this, it is what she has been exposed to and has experienced as truth.

AHHHHHHH!!! This is me screaming and crying! IS THIS HOW MY SWEET NATHAN IS GOING TO BE PERCEIVED, A MERE "DISTRACTION" TO "REGULAR" KIDS? How on earth can I put him in a school situation where he will be treated and made to feel this way? No, I'm not projecting irrational feelings and no, I can't change people's insecurities so that they will look at Nathan as a whole person, but dang it, WHY?

Nathan is nonverbal and constantly makes humming noises, this will be considered a distraction.

Nathan knows his alphabet, numbers, shapes, sign language, and can operate a computer, all at the age of two and a half. He has more skills at this age than many of my students had entering kindergarten and first grade, but yet he will be a distraction because he hums.

He will be a distraction simply because he is different.

Will he have friends? Will people want to be around him? Or will his differences scare them away because they don't how to communicate with him?

Will he get made fun of because his thumb is crooked?

I know in the early years kids are kids and don't notice the little differences, but as they get older, they do notice them, just as my sweet fifth grade tour guide noticed and perceived "them" today.

I really don't want to put Nathan in a full time education setting where he is strictly with other children with intellectual, physical, and social differences just because he might be a distraction to others. Nathan CAN learn and has the ability to learn. With the proper support he will learn to be an asset to his peers and be a positive contribution to his community. He may not "look or behave" the same as his "typical" developing peers, but he will be just as valuable. I will continue to advocate for his ability to learn in a "typical" environment until I see that the environment is no longer appropriate for his intellectual and emotional well being.

This reality really stung today. I have lived this reality as a teacher and now even more so as a parent. The latter is harder than the former, let me tell you. Please if you are a teacher, IA, administrator, remember that those "distractions" have a heart, they have the need to belong to a community of people that care about them, just like the "regular" students. It is hard figuring out how to do that for many, but the more these children feel loved, accepted, and treated as an equal with respect, the less of a "distraction" they will be.

My friend Terri (Addy (RTS) and Kate's mom) as been a huge advocate, mentor, and trail blazer in the area inclusive education where she lives. I only hope to have the presence and composure to do such a thing for my son and my community. It's a huge undertaking, one that needs to be done for ALL people...

By the way, we are still considering this school for Bella. This experience, by no way, will deter us from the possibility. I know it happens everywhere, not just this school. And, I still think my 5th grade tour guide is a charming, well rounded, outstanding student!